Sorry. -Rachel

The post in which I continue to whine.

Things I’m thinking about this Christmas, I didn’t think about last Christmas… and never thought I would have to think about:

Wealth – I’m not talking about being bitter the poor economy left 2 presents under the tree for me. We’ve never really had money. I’m talking about my overall life capital continuing to plummet. Concerning Family capital: My mom, brothers, and my own relationship with my dad, has been stale since he asked permission from my mom to have an affair. He’s my dad, I love him, but he’s always been a bad person. My Grandma Rita not being around stings more this year then it did last. Emotional Capital: My mood has been anything but jolly. The winter blues have always got me but it feels much worse when I think about California and the whole entire opportunity I let slip through my fingers. It sucks to go outside, which leaves me s.o.l. when it sucks to be inside. All things adhere to my low spirits.  Intellectual capital: My library is charging me large fees for a book I turned in extraordinarily late, I have no money to purchase books. I spent a week or so watching every single episode of the O.C.. I have no money to for school which leads me to my next thought…

Weather I’m going to go to school or not – A thought I never thought I would have thunk. Obviously, judging by my inability to write a grammatically correct sentence  I should be enrolled in some sort of academic establishment next semester, but alas, I am not, for I have no money. The black hole of hopelessness widens!

Wondering if Aunt Flow will make an appearance for the holidays – oh she will, but it’s only of a matter of when because I fear I will hurt many more feelings if the PMS Monster stays any longer. I also would like to have further confirmation I’m not pregnant as well. A fear I never had until this year which leads me to my next thought…

My boyfriend – I have no complaints about my boyfriend except at some point things are going to crash and burn, I feel it in my bones. I know it sounds wrong, but my feelings for him are growing and I don’t think I like it.

Taylor Swift  – …. What? Don’t judge me!

Things I’m thinking about, I thought about last Christmas, and I probably will always think about:

Loosing weight

Harry Potter

I’m alive and healthy, so are my friends and family. I should be ashamed for wanting more.